Where's My Stash?

Much like the cropped mesh tank top, the mullet and tiger-striped Zubas pants, it seems like the moustache (or "stash," as it's colloquially termed) has become obsolescent from men's fashion. While we may not question the rightness of the former items' expulsion from the hip male's style lexicon, I believe the stash is a more complicated case and as such is deserving of a moment's reflection. Without a doubt, in its heyday, the well-groomed stash was a symbol of swashbuckling virility. Cases in point: Chuck Norris, Tom Berenger, Rob Reiner, Barney Miller, Mr. Kotter, Lionel Richie, Lanny McDonald, Larry Csonka...the list goes on. Of course, the ultimate Stash belonged to Tom Selleck as Magnum, P.I. (N.B.--I never really understood why Richard Dean Anderson didn't follow his lead where the stash was concerned, as it would have been particularly cool for MacGyver to have been able to pull the odd toothpick or safety pin out of his stash in a hairy situation). I believe the death knell for the stash sounded that fateful day in 2001 the world's other eminent stash icon, Alex Trebek, chose to lose his. True, he grew it back, and other prominent stashes, such as those sported by Prince and Victor on the Young and the Restless have never left us. But it seems to me that unless one sports an authentic, vintage stash (ie. one that dates back to circa 1987), one cannot now have a stash whose glory is not tainted by the trappings of post-modern irony (incidentally, "moustache" and "pastiche" sound a lot alike). Could the stash one day rise again? If so, who should be its saviour? Bono? (no--he has enough on his plate already) Prime Minister Stephen Harper? Simon Cowell? George Clooney? Hold the phone--there's an idea. Is there anything George Clooney can't do, really? He even gave the stash a trial run in O Brother, Where Art Thou? (and as I recall, it was pretty stash-tastic). Alright, I hereby leave it to George Clooney to single-handedly resurrect the stash to its former glory. If he could only manage to simultaneously banish the soul patch in the process, all would be right with the world.