Living in the Now

I realized that, as of late, my posts have been a little heavy on the nostalgia. While one of the key motifs, if you will, of my blog is paying tribute to the pop culture of my past, I don't want to write about the past so much that folks will start to wonder if I've left my house since 1992. In other words, it's time for granny to get off the porch, quit bitching about "kids these days" and write about some of the things I'm enjoying this very moment, in 2009. Besides writing about 1989, that is.

Music: City and Colour - Bring Me Your Love (best album of 2008, according to me)
M.I.A. - "Paper Planes" (DFA Remix)
Guns N' Roses - "Better" (new single from Chinese Democracy)

Movies: Slumdog Millionaire
American Teen (now out on DVD)

Books: Don Cherry - Hockey Stories and Stuff
Slash - Slash

Food and Drink: Pad thai noodles from the "new" (old) Green Mango
Cranberry juice and lime Perrier

Fashion: My new sunglasses, the cost of which I will avoid mentioning here, as I'm still a little
embarrassed to have shelled out so much for something I could potentially
leave behind on a bus.

Fun: Second City improv classes (highly addictive)
Guitar Hero World Tour (especially when I get to drum...or sing Pat Benatar)

Studs With Studs: Discuss

Question: What is the status of the earring in men's fashion these days? Has there been some kind of edict on this in the past five or six years?

Previously worn exclusively by pirates and Ziggy Stardust, the earring became a must-have male accessory around the time I was in the sixth grade (ca. 1990). Made impossibly cool by the likes of the Fresh Prince, the New Kids on the Block, Marky Mark and David Silver (OK, not such a good example), ear-piercing was all the rage among pre-teen boys, taking over where the rat-tail haircut left off (props to Jordan Knight for carrying the rat-tail torch into the 1990s). Fathers everywhere were cursing the day their sons came home with that shiny new gold hoop earring in their left ear. To my recollection, the left ear was the only acceptable ear to get pierced at this time. Getting one's right ear pierce was to risk utter and complete social alienation--that is, until it started to be cool to have both ears pierced. Then all hell broke loose (eg. Dennis Rodman).

It seems to me that the dark ages of the male earring started when AARP members like Ed Bradley and Harrison Ford starting sporting studs. That, and the freaky-freaky stage get-ups of such music artists as Marilyn Manson and Trent Reznor started to make guys who wore earrings look about as bad-ass as Ward Cleaver (actually, I take that back--Ward Cleaver was pretty bad-ass on occasion).

In the three minutes I spent researching this post, I couldn't really find a clear answer on whether the male earring is still cool these days. What I did find was a 1998 Ebony article that cites examples of famous earring-wearers such as "trendsetting actor Malcolm-Jamal Warner" (aka Theo) to make the point that earrings are completely acceptable accessories for men.


The theologians among my readers (?) might be curious to learn that I found two articles that offer biblical answers to the question of whether men should wear earrings. This article makes the argument that men wearing earrings makes God angry. But this other article on the same subject is more wishy-washy. To be honest, I found both quite frightening.

So I will leave this question unanswered. Unlike bandannas, there is no clear right or wrong when it comes to earrings and men's fashion. I think the issue has to be painstakingly reviewed on a case-by-case basis. Now, the rat-tail, on the other hand--dudes need to bring that back.

Analyze This

The other day, I was thinking about movie costumes. From a rather young age, two movie costumes in particular have been my very favourites:

1. The skin-tight, black leather (or is it pleather?) outfit that Sandy wears to impress Danny at the end of Grease, for the "You're the One That I Want" number. I'm still looking for a pair of black Candies sandals like the ones she has on in that scene (the shoes responsible for the sexiest cigarette stomp-out in cinema history).

2. The crazy one-piece halter top/mini-skirt outfit and (most importantly) thigh-high, spiked heel boots that Julia Roberts walks her Hollywood strip in at the beginning of Pretty Woman. I've had a weakness for stiletto-heel boots ever since (and now own two pairs--neither, regrettably, are thigh-high, however). Oddly, her outfit is different colours on the movie's poster (hot pink and black) than it is in the film (white and turquoise). But it's all about the boots, really.

What should we make of this? One might conjecture that repeated exposure to such vampy star costumes in my pre-teen years permanently corrupted my fashion sense. But these outfits are so...great. Like, doesn't everyone wish they could wear stuff like this every day? No? Oh. Never mind, then. I guess it's just me.

The Ifs and Ands of Butts

It's no secret that spring and summer are the more lascivious seasons of the fashion year. Bluntly put, it's time to hooch it up. Pack up the wool coats and sweater sets and pull out the halter tops and short-shorts. It's all good. Or is it?

There's one article of clothing that I'm not sure is passable even in this casual climate. You see them all year round, but they become particularly prevalent as temperatures rise and fashion inhibitions lower. We're talking about pants...pants with writing on the butt. Sassy, yes. A fashion risk? Definitely.

To establish my credibility (or lack of it, depending on how you look at it) on this issue, I will confess to owning two pairs of said pants. Although both are extremely comfortable and, I admit, quite sassy, I adhere to a strict protocol when it comes to their display. Call me neo-Victorian (you'd be the first to do so), but I've always maintained that you can't just walk around anywhere wearing pants that shout "Hey, look at my ass!" (just like you can't just shout "Hey, look at my ass!" anywhere; there's rules about that too--we'll save those for another time). I believe the wearing of these pants is sanctioned in the following locations: grocery store, gas station, laundromat, McDonald's, Target, video stores and neighbourhoods where you don't live. On the other hand, for reasons of taste and safety, these pants should not be donned under any circumstances in the following locations: work, libraries, schools, government buildings, police stations, courthouses, airports, bus depots, subway stations, restaurants where your food doesn't come on plastic trays and movie theaters.

Two other issues to consider beyond appropriate locations for wearing words on your butt are: 1) whether men can or should do so and 2) are some words just inappropriate to wear on your butt? The answers:

1) No. Just...no.
2) Yes. Example: Thanks to Roots, you can wear "Canada" on your butt. Our nation's founders did not sit through 100-odd years of passive-aggressive subordinance to the British just so women could have this country's name plastered on their booties (or did they? Come to think of it, the fathers of Confederation probably would have been all over this idea)

Despite all the caveats involved, I will indeed be incorporating my letter-butt pants into my casual spring and summer wardrobe again this year. In fact, I may even buy a new pair. So long as one is aware of the risks involved, I think they can indeed be pulled off (pardon the pun) with happy results. At least, that's my story and I'm sticking to it.

Memories...in the Corners of My Mullet

OK, so mullets don't have corners (arguably). But according to the New York Times, Billy Ray Cyrus has penned a song for his new album entitled "I Want My Mullet Back." I'm thinking this tune should be turned into a multi-celeb charity caterwaul (along the lines of "We Are the World," you dig?) with the following participants joining Billy Ray:

Jaromir Jagr
Corey Feldman
Michael Bolton (he got Nicolette Sheridan back, why not the mullet?)
Dennis Miller
Florence Henderson
John Stamos
Joan Jett
Barry Melrose
Jerry Seinfeld
Richard Dean Anderson
Richard Marx
Pat Benatar
Randy Johnson
Zachary Ty Bryan ("Brad" from Home Improvement--if you're asking, Where is he now? , the
answer is: wishing he had his mullet back)

Any other suggestions?

P.S. - You must check out Florence Henderson's website (with sound on). That Mrs. B. is one groovy gal!

My So-Called Wardrobe

I've been thinking a lot about fashion lately, mostly due to my having plowed through a massive issue of In Style magazine last week on the plane from Milwaukee to Toronto. Spring is a great season for closet cleaning, an activity which--for me, anyway--is laden with opportunities for nostalgic reflection.

Over the years, I've gotten better about not hanging on to each and every fashion artifact that has graced my wardrobe. That said, I will admit that it is possible, indeed probable, to find items in my closet that date back to my junior high and high school years. Most of these articles of clothing are things that I kept because they are simply iconic of that particular time in my life. A few key pieces include:

Notre Dame hooded sweatshirt (c. Grade 8) - When I purchased this shirt, I had never been to Notre Dame and hadn't really the faintest idea who the "Fighting Irish" were. U.S. college football wasn't exactly huge among rural Ontario junior high students, but anything with Notre Dame, Georgetown, Michigan or Duke on it was. After seeing Rudy, my attachment to that shirt became slightly more sentimental. But not much.

Kilt (c. Grade 9) - It is a little known fact that the kilt experienced a brief frenzy of popularity amongst high school girls approximately five years before Britney Spears' skanked it up in her "Hit Me Baby (One More Time)" video. I can't remember details about wearing mine, except that knee socks were involved. I think I still have those too.

Various flannel shirts (c. Grade 9-12) - Here is the perfect example of how much teen fashion has changed in the past ten years or so. Today, a typical teen girl's outfit is comprised of skinny, low-rise jeans, visible candy-coloured thong, layered tight camisoles and a designer/knock-off designer handbag. Oh, and stiletto heels. But not so very long ago, we were pairing our father's flannel work shirts with t-shirts we wore in kindergarten and men's Levi's that were at least three sizes too big. Stains and/or rips provided extra appeal. Oh yeah--and going heavy on the black eyeliner was a must. Then, there was the requisite footwear...

Docs (c. Grade 12 - present) - What can I say? A classic's a classic. Mine are pretty standard-- 12-hole and black--but of course many variations exist. I used to think they went with everything, but I admit I've mellowed with age. Still, nothing else provides the same level of mosh-pit comfort.

Honorable mentions: Anything from Le Chateau (back in the day, it was kinda hippie, kinda slutty, always cool), Sex Pistols t-shirt, Converse sneakers, nylon Eddie Bauer backpacks, Swatch watches, silver rings (preferably at least one on each finger), my "Rachel" haircut.

Perhaps some of you who are reading this have fond memories of similar articles of clothing. Or perhaps there are other favourites you'd be willing to confess to/share? It's strange to think that some day, the 1990s fashion artifacts at the back of our closets will be "retro" and highly coveted by contemporary fashionistas. Of course, we must first be patient and sit through their requisite "painfully uncool" period as, for example, 80s styles went through while we were in high school. After that, I guarantee you'll be glad you kept your flannel and Soundgarden tees pressed and ready for revival.

The Ice Woman Runneth

I am loving the new running shades I got this spring. First of all, the way they are tinted makes me feel like I'm living in a Tony Scott movie, which provides extra workout adrenaline. Second, when I wear them, I look like I'm in a Tony Scott movie. More specifically, I look like Ice Man from Top Gun. That Ice Man--what a card! He sure kept Tom Cruise from getting on his high horse, didn't he? And talk about the right hair. If you ask me, that movie was all about the wrong character. It really was Ice Man's show. Anyway, I'm runnin' in the "Danger Zone" these days. Surprisingly enough, I have yet to download that song from iTunes to listen to while running in the Ice Man shades. I think that might be too much for me to handle right now. The shades are exciting enough.

They Are the (Moustache) Champions

A few posts back, I speculated on the decline of the moustache in contemporary pop culture (NB- I also used the spelling "stash" at that time, but I have since decided to switch to the mose continental "'stache"). While George Clooney has not yet responded to my plea to be the 'stache's saviour in 2006, it seems that a vibrant international moustache community does exist these days. I learned this from a recent visit to the World Beard and Moustache Championships website, which is devoted to the biennial event of that name. Interestingly, Germany dominates the global arena of beard and moustache competition, both in the number of gold medals won and the number of world championships hosted. Categories in which moustache-wearers may compete include: Natural, English, Freestyle, Handlebar, Imperial, and then my personal favourites, the Dali and the Fu Manchu. Partial and Full Beard categories are also open to competitors. No Canadian champs emerged from the 2005 competition, however Americans can be proud of Toot (Toot!) Joslin's golden victory in the Sideburns category. With a little extra 'stache training, I think Jack Layton could do Canada proud at the 2007 championships. At any rate, it looks like the 'stache is going strong, despite its current lack of supporters among Hollywood stars. Its day is going to come, though, believe me--the 'stache will rise again.

Where's My Stash?

Much like the cropped mesh tank top, the mullet and tiger-striped Zubas pants, it seems like the moustache (or "stash," as it's colloquially termed) has become obsolescent from men's fashion. While we may not question the rightness of the former items' expulsion from the hip male's style lexicon, I believe the stash is a more complicated case and as such is deserving of a moment's reflection. Without a doubt, in its heyday, the well-groomed stash was a symbol of swashbuckling virility. Cases in point: Chuck Norris, Tom Berenger, Rob Reiner, Barney Miller, Mr. Kotter, Lionel Richie, Lanny McDonald, Larry Csonka...the list goes on. Of course, the ultimate Stash belonged to Tom Selleck as Magnum, P.I. (N.B.--I never really understood why Richard Dean Anderson didn't follow his lead where the stash was concerned, as it would have been particularly cool for MacGyver to have been able to pull the odd toothpick or safety pin out of his stash in a hairy situation). I believe the death knell for the stash sounded that fateful day in 2001 the world's other eminent stash icon, Alex Trebek, chose to lose his. True, he grew it back, and other prominent stashes, such as those sported by Prince and Victor on the Young and the Restless have never left us. But it seems to me that unless one sports an authentic, vintage stash (ie. one that dates back to circa 1987), one cannot now have a stash whose glory is not tainted by the trappings of post-modern irony (incidentally, "moustache" and "pastiche" sound a lot alike). Could the stash one day rise again? If so, who should be its saviour? Bono? (no--he has enough on his plate already) Prime Minister Stephen Harper? Simon Cowell? George Clooney? Hold the phone--there's an idea. Is there anything George Clooney can't do, really? He even gave the stash a trial run in O Brother, Where Art Thou? (and as I recall, it was pretty stash-tastic). Alright, I hereby leave it to George Clooney to single-handedly resurrect the stash to its former glory. If he could only manage to simultaneously banish the soul patch in the process, all would be right with the world.