Saving All My Love for You

Whether single or attached, the last way anyone wants to spend their Valentine's Day is in video store purgatory. Movies can provide fine holiday entertainment this time of year, however selecting the right combination of films is a task every bit as difficult as choosing the right shiraz to go with your $200 Valentine's dinner. In fact, it's more difficult, because there are so very many bad, bad choices to be made. So here is a menu of viewing options that, much like the wine list at the $200 dinner, will help you to choose high-quality products that will enhance your overall Valentine's experience:

(The list is comprised of films to be viewed in combination. Of course, they can also be viewed individually, but the richly satisfying interplay of flavors will be sarcificed.)

1. Valley Girl + Peggy Sue Got Married + Moonstruck
Young, vulnerable, dashing Nick Cage at his romantic comedy best. The "Melt With You" montage sequence in Valley Girl is one of the most get-you-right-here portraits of young love in contemporary cinema. Too bad Burger King had to go and totally ruin that song in one fell Whopper campaign swoop a few years back. But in 1983 it was pretty much perfect.

2. The Sure Thing + Say Anything
Young, vulnerable, dashing John Cusack at his romantic comedy best. It is my belief that amalgamating 1980s Nick Cage with 1980s John Cusack would produce the Platonic ideal of twenty-something man (and for this reason, their films should be required educational viewing for all males under the age of 18--along with Dirty Dancing, of course). The Sure Thing is a loopy, sometimes tasteless sex comedy, but it packs a heartstring-pulling emotional wallop in one of its final scenes via Lionel Richie's Penny Lover. And as for Say Anything, it's the It's a Wonderful Life of Valentine's Day. Watch and learn, boys, watch and learn.

3. Sixteen Candles + Pretty in Pink + Some Kind of Wonderful
In the 1980s, John Hughes made more than his fair share of contributions to the canon of teen romantic comedy classics and it is impossible to watch these films too many times. Sixteen Candles and Pretty in Pink both of course feature the feisty Molly Ringwald triumphing over adversity to win the fantasy boy of her dreams. But they also feature the bittersweet musings of the young men whose hearts she lays waste to in the process: the Geek (Anthony Michael Hall) and Duckie (John Cryer). Hence the inclusion of Some Kind of Wonderful in the mix: just when the melancholy induced by the first two films gets to be too much to take, you get to see Keith (Eric Stoltz) break quirky sidekick Watts' (Mary Stuart Masterson) heart, only to recant when he realizes what he's been missing. Stellar soundtracks for all three as well.

4. Peggy Sue Got Married + Chances Are + Big
Should the Nick Cage, John Cusack or teen love combos suggested above not meet your tastes, the more nuanced category of 1980s romantic-comedies- involving- time- travel-and/or-reincarnation might hit the spot. For the merits of Peggy Sue Got Married, see #1 above. Chances Are is a screwball romp that features surprisingly delightful chemistry between the dreamy Robert Downey, Jr. and the always fabulous Cybill Shepherd. And Big, well, it's exhibit A for why Tom Hanks should never have stopped doing comedy. With respect to both Chances Are and Big, it's best not to dwell too long on the full implications of the age and body-shifting plot twists, as they are indeed kind of creepy in terms of sexual dynamics. Just go with it and let the soaring Cher and Peter Cetera "Chances Are" theme carry you away on a crest of romantic bliss.

5. Say Anything + Singles + Jerry Maguire
The first of two auteur-based combinations on the list, this one provides a definitive collection of Cameron Crowe's sentiments on romance through the ages, from high school to mid-life-crisis. I personally admire this triology because these films wear their hearts on their sleeves. They are cinematic kryptonite for cynics and are thus routinely shunned by hipsters. But in the game of love, you've got to play to win and Mr. Crowe shows us all how to put it out there. Coincidence he's married to Nancy Wilson of Heart? I think not.

6. Reality Bites + Before Sunrise/Before Sunset
In the 1990s, love, along with every other emotion, was shot through with angst and Ethan Hawke was the gorgeous, skulking, greasy-haired embodiment of this. In Reality Bites, he and Winona Ryder became the decade's quintessential couple. In Before Sunrise/Before Sunset, he and Julie Delpy bring one of American cinema's all-time best romances to the screen, right up there with It Happened One Night and Annie Hall, in my opinion. Definitely required Valentine's Day viewing.

Still undecided? Perhaps one of these last three more eccentric combinations will appeal:

7. Bonnie and Clyde + Badlands + True Romance + Guncrazy
Fugitive couple crime films are hot. There's more carnage than comedy, and happy endings are not an option, but when it comes to raw sexual energy, few mainstream Hollywood films can compete with this rock'n'roll sub-genre. Just don't try any of the illegal stuff at home.

8. Romeo + Juliet + Moulin Rouge
If you're having trouble feeling any emotion in your hardened heart these days, these two selections from Baz Luhrmann's opus are guaranteed to beat your sentiments back into shape. You might have trouble closing your eyes, sitting still, or breathing normally afterwards, but this can be easily remedied by taking two Nora Ephron films before bed on a full stomach.

9. Rocky + The Karate Kid
Since this Valentine's Day coincides with the XX Winter Olympiad, you may be feeling like less movie romance and more athletic ass-kicking. Rocky and The Karate Kid are glowing illustrations of why pure love is more powerful than steroids.