Where do I begin?

We're almost halfway through the summer of '07 and it's been so long since I last posted, I don't even know where to start. So much to say, so much time...

Well, to kick things off, this has been a summer of happy Mondays thus far due to the return of Canadian Idol. While I have no clear-cut favourite yet, a la last year's Tyler Lewis, I have to say that this year's Top Ten is a pretty talented bunch. The judges have also been on the mark, by and large, and I think I may even be warming to Ben Mulroney after all these years (but he's no Seamus O'Regan).

In other news, I resisted the impulse to make a third trip to see Def Leppard in concert in Toronto, although I am pretty stoked that Poison is coming to town during the Ex (lighters at the ready everyone..."Ev'ry rose has its thorn..."). Scorpions, not so much.

I visited a couple of clubs in the Richmond-John vicinity for the first time in years and discovered that little has changed since my undergrad clubbing days except, well, I'm no longer an undergrad. I think the door guys carded me just to be nice. Thankfully, my cougar years (oh yes, there will be cougar years) are still well ahead of me, but methinks I'd better start making hay while the sun shines. Or while the pants fit. Whatever.

In terms of new music this summer, I'm all about Arcade Fire and the White Stripes right now. But, as usual, I'm spending most of my time digging up way-back tracks, which have lately included a lot of Van Halen (a nice mixture of David Lee Roth and Sammy Hagar classics -- I'm a non-denominational Van Halen fan) and Supremes. On the 1960s girl group front, I'm desperately seeking a copy of Shirley Matthews' 1964 hit "Big Town Boy" which is--shamefully--absent from iTunes. Yet another reason why Mac people aren't really as cool as they would have you believe.

On the movie front, I saw Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix and loved it (way to bounce back from Goblet of Fire); I saw Knocked Up and nearly went into an apoplectic fit at the film's Reagan-era-esque moral conservatism. Not like I was surprised. Why do I do these things to myself?

I think that about wraps it up -- gotta get back to "The Hills" marathon on MTV. Some people listen to Amazon waterfalls or Brahms chamber music to get to sleep; I prefer immersing myself in the blissful vapidity that is "The Hills". Oh, and one more thing -- I read Erica Jong's "Fear of Flying" for the first time this summer and it was a life-changing experience. Not sure just yet in what respect the experience will prove to be life-changing, but something's gotta give. I can feel it. Or maybe I've just watched the opening credits of "The Hills" too many times. "The rest is still unwritten..."

Good night. :)

A Sobering Thought

According to babycenter.com, American parents found 45 different ways to spell the name "Mackenzie" in 2006. For the record, that includes:

Mackenzie, Mckenzie, Mackenzi, Mackenzee, Mackinzie, Mackensie, Mackenize, Mackinzy, Mackinsey, Mackenzy, Mackenzey, Machenzie, Mackynzi, Mackinze, Mackenziee, Mackanzie, Macinzee, Machkenzie, Macenzie, Mckinzie, Mckenzee, Mckenzi, Mckynzie, Mckinzee, Mckenzye, Mckenzy, Mckenzey, Mckenze, Mckenize, Makenzie, Makenzi, Makenzy, Makensie, Makynzie, Makynze, Makenize, Makynzye, Makynzi, Makinzy, Makinzie, Makinzi, Makenzee, Makinze, Makinsy, Mykenzie.

Whoa. That's messed up.

My One Thought About the 2007 Stanley Cup Play-Offs

Having only one Canadian team left to cheer for + That team is the Ottawa Senators = Being stuck between a rock and a hard place.

Did Juno?

A couple of weeks ago, the Juno Awards were held in the thriving metropolis of Saskatoon. It will likely come as news to all of my American readers (and quite possibly to some of my Canadian readers as well), that the Juno Awards are the highest honours bestowed by the Canadian music industry. The awards were named in honour of Pierre Juneau, former head of the CRTC and responsible for the implementation of the Canadian Content Regulations in 1971. This was a pivotal achievement because if radio stations here weren't legally mandated to have 35% Canadian content on their playlists, there would be no Canadian music industry. Kind of like how if your Lucky Charms wasn't fortified with 12 vitamins and minerals, you'd be anemic. As a further footnote, apparently the spelling of "Juneau" was changed to "Juno" when somebody realized that Juno had been the chief Goddess of the Roman Pantheon (See kids, it does pay to minor in Classics!).

Like the Canadian music industry itself, the Junos' history has had its high points (awards to friggin' awesome bands like the Tragically Hip) and its low points (see 1978-1979 below), I thought I would highlight a few of the Great Moments in Juno History. I pretty much skipped the 1970s (Rush, Anne Murray...and that's about it). I also left out most of the better-known superstars of Canadian music from the 1980s and 1990s--the Hip, Bryan Adams, Alanis Morrissette (post-1995--see below), and yes, Celine--in favour of shedding light on some of the Canadian music legends who have perhaps been a bit neglected since their days of glory. Props here to Barrie's Rock 95, a station that faithfully keeps much of Canada's musical past alive and well on the airwaves (the only station I know that has David Wilcox's "Do the Bearcat" on regular rotation). So here we go...

Selected Great Moments in Juno History:

1978 - Dan Hill's "Sometimes When We Touch" nominated for Best Single

1979 - Dan Hill's "Sometimes When We Touch" nominated for Best Single...again...
(Was the honesty too much the first time around?)

1979 - Nick Gilder's "Hot Child in the City" wins Best Single

1980 - Claudja Barry's "Boogie Woogie Dancin' Shoes" nominated for Best Single
- Trooper wins Group of the Year

1981 - Martha and the Muffins' "Echo Beach" wins Best Single
(Also deserving of special award for Best Band Name of All Time)

1982 - Rough Trade's "High School Confidential" nominated for Best Single

1983 - The Payola$ "Eyes of a Stranger" wins Best Single
(beating out Loverboy's "Working for the Weekend")

1984 - Corey Hart's "Sunglasses at Night" and Men Without Hats' "Safety Dance" both
nominated for Best Single

1985 - Luba's "Let it Go" and Gowan's "A Criminal Mind" nominated for Best Single

1986 - Glass Tiger's "Don't Forget Me (When I'm Gone)" wins Best Single
(another great song title with embedded parentheses)
- A banner year in the Best Album category, with Glass Tiger, Loverboy, Platinum
Blonde AND Honeymoon Suite all nominated; Newmarket boys Glass Tiger win (woot!)

1987 - Kim Mitchell's "Patio Lanterns" nominated for Best Single
(also nominated for new national anthem by majority of Mulroney caucus)

1991 - Maestro Fresh Wes' "Let Your Backbone Slide" nominated for Best Single

1992 - Alanis' "Too Hot" (Hott Shot Mix) nominated for Best Dance Song
(oh yes, pre-"Jagged Little Pill", Alanis was a sweet little pop star)

1994 - Snow's "12 Inches of Snow" nominated for Album of the Year
(everybody all together now: "In-forrrr-mer!")

I would like to conclude this blog with some Canadian tunes that I think were definitely deserving of some Juno love, even if they didn't receive it:

"Day by Day" - Doug and the Slugs
"Dream Come True" - Frozen Ghost
"What Does It Take" - Honeymoon Suite
"Tokyo Rose" - Idle Eyes
"Heading West" - Mitsou

and

"Claire" - Rheostatics

All is Right with the Royals

I, for one, am relieved by the latest breaking news stories on Prince William and Prince Harry, who have been photographed groping a girl on the dance floor and falling down drunk outside a nightclub, respectively. Proof positive, I say, that the young Princes are perfectly normal early twentysomething males. I'm glad they aren't missing out on any of the typical extra-curricular activities enjoyed by their MTV Spring Break peers. And you've got to feel sorry for the guys--I mean, how many of us would want hordes of papparazzi trailing us each and every time we go out for an evening of drinking and debauchery? Imagine a photo of you bumping booties with that random dude from your dorm making front page news in every national newspaper. Or worse, CNN running a video of you bowing to the porcelain god after a night of Jagermeister gone wild. Bottom line, the Princes are just as entitled to some wild and damaging partying as the rest of us. Just watch out for those hands, ladies...

The Captain and Tennille and Telus

One of my favourite TV ads right now is TELUS Mobility's latest ad featuring the company's usual roster of devastatingly cute critters (forget the cell phone -- I want those rabbits!) and a much-welcomed revival of the Captain and Tennille's 1975 "Love Will Keep Us Together" (a cover of the Neil Sedaka original, it should be noted). In celebration of the song's reappearance on the pop culture radar, I offer up this link to Toni Tennille's fabulous blog, where you can read up on a wide variety of topics, ranging from Gordon Lightfoot, to the war in Iraq to the Captain's favourite pan-roasted salmon and mango salsa recipes. There are tons of great insights to be found, such as her take on "Muskrat Love" haters:

"Come on, people....did it ever occur to you that we might have performed that song with just a touch of irony?"

Loves it! And who knew she did background sessions for Pink Floyd? Rock on, Toni!

Ode to Wheels

This post is dedicated to my favourite Degrassi character, the one and only Wheels (aka Derek Wheeler). There are so many reasons why Wheels was the most rad of the original Degrassi bunch:

First of all, Wheels is just the best nickname ever. OK, maybe it's a tie with Tootie. With an honorable mention going to Boner (remember, Mike Seaver's best friend on Growing Pains? Yes, it's true, Alan Thicke said "Boner" pretty much every other week in the first few seasons of that show).

Second of all, Wheels was the cutest Degrassi alum. He did sport rather unfortunate eyewear after about the second season (he got glasses right around the time he started growing the mullet, as I recall), but he still had it goin' on. The sultry Stephanie Kaye was all over him--and she knew her Degrassi men.

Third, Wheels had an awesome Ontario accent, embuing Degrassi with ever more distinctive Canadian charm. And fourth, Wheels really did try his darndest to be a good kid and to avoid getting sidetracked by Joey Jeremiah's zany schemes. But, as is the case with most Degrassi characters, tragedy befell Wheels and, well, his life went down the shitter. Even so, there is still a warm spot in my heart for Wheels. In the immortal words of the Zit Remedy (all together now): "Everybody wants something they'll never give up..."

A New Match for Marilyn

OK, so this is week-old news, but just to re-cap: the latest star marriage to shatter into so many dysfunctional, yet gossip-mag digestible pieces is that of Marilyn Manson and Dita Von Teese. The New York Post printed a decidedly Von Teese-sided article January 5th, titled "Dita Dumps Messed-Up Manson," that included the following synopsis:

"Sources say the raven-haired bombshell filed for the split right before Christmas, but Manson has been unaware of it because she couldn't get in touch with him....Friends say Manson had been boozing heavily last year, much to Von Teese's dismay, but she'd desperately tried to hold on. "She really tried to make this work," the friend said.""

A very sad state of affairs, apparently. Furthermore, from the same Post article:

"Von Teese's pals say they are squarely on her side. "Well, at least now she won't have to share her makeup," one quipped. [Ohhh, snap!] It's not known yet whether Von Teese plans to ask for custody of the couple's two cats, Lily and Aleister, and dachshunds, Greta and Eva."

No matter how nasty the break-up gets, let's keep the pets' best interests at heart, folks.

I can't say I've cultivated much personal fandom for Manson's music. In fact, it was around the time he made it big in the alt-rock scene that I started experiencing my first twinges of crotchetiness (sp? even a word?) towards "young people's music". Ironically, I was about 15 at the time, but I digress.

Even though I can't say I'm a fan, I certainly do hope that Manson's heartbreak heals and that he may even be back on the dating scene someday. I'm thinking that next time around, Manson should try courting a new type of gal for a change. Somebody preppy, perky and fond of wearing pastels. Somebody like...Mandy Moore. Perfect! Sort of like Marilyn Munster meets Marilyn Manson.

Sounds like a match made in, er...Hollywood? Hey, you never know.

The Steamy Side of Staples

I recently heard that Douglas Coupland is writing a new novel about people who work at Staples. When explaining how the idea for the novel evolved, Coupland said that he tried to think of what the most boring place in the world to work would be and he came up with Staples.
Fair enough. But when I was shopping at my local Staples yesterday, I came to the realization that the stationary superstore is not so boring as it may seem. It's all about the writing utensil aisle, specifically the pens. As I perused Staples' copious pen selection, it dawned on me that pens and condoms share nearly identical marketing lingo. For example: the Round Stic Grip, the Soft Feel Stic, the Impulse, the Comfortmate, the Flexgrip Ultra, the Flexgrip Elite, the R.S.V.P., and, last but not least, the Dynagrip. Hot stuff, indeed. Perhaps Coupland could work some risque pen product double entendres into his characters' dialogue? (eg. "So, what do you say you and me stock a few boxes of Flexgrips in the storage room after work?") At any rate, it just goes to show you--with a little vigilance and some creativity, you can find your mind in the gutter anywhere, even in the shiny, seemingly innocuous, flourescent-lit aisles of Staples. Not so boring after all.

Keeping St. Elmo's Fire Burnin' (In Me)

To celebrate the new year, an entry devoted to the lyrics to perhaps the most inspirational pop song ever penned. I know the unbridled 1985 sentiment is hard for your jaded, post-Cobain souls to embrace, but sometime (when no one is watching) just find this song, crank it up, and belt it out with as much earnestness as you can possibly muster (and yes, air-synthesizer antics are encouraged). It does the soul good.

If you need a little coaching, watch the video for inspiration. Even better, watch St. Elmo's Fire. Repeatedly. And try to channel the great Billy Hicks.

St. Elmo's Fire (Man in Motion) by John Parr

Growin' up, you don't see the writing on the wall
Passin' by, movin' straight ahead, you knew it all
But maybe sometime if you feel the pain
You'll find you're all alone, everything has changed
Play the game, you know you can't quit until it's won
Soldier on, only you can do what must be done
You know in some way you're a lot like me
You're just a prisoner and you're tryin' to break free

I can see a new horizon underneath the blazin' sky
I'll be where the eagle's flying higher and higher
Gonna be your man in motion, all I need is a pair of wheels
Take me where my future's lyin', St. Elmo's Fire

Burning up, don't know just how far that I can go (just how far I go)
Soon be home, only just a few miles down the road
I can make it, I know I can
You broke the boy in me, but you won't break the man

I can see a new horizon underneath the blazin' sky
I'll be where the eagle's flying higher and higher
Gonna be your man in motion, all I need is a pair of wheels
Take me where my future's lyin', St. Elmo's Fire

I can climb the highest mountain, cross the wildest sea
I can feel St. Elmo's Fire burnin' in me, burnin' in me

Just once in his life a man has his time
and my time is now, I'm coming alive

I can hear the music playin', I can see the banners fly
Feel like you're back again, and hope ridin' high
Gonna be your man in motion, all I need is a pair of wheels
Take me where my future's lyin', St. Elmo's Fire

I can see a new horizon underneath the blazin' sky
I'll be where the eagle's flying higher and higher
Gonna be your man in motion, all I need is a pair of wheels
Take me where my future's lyin', St. Elmo's Fire

I can climb the highest mountain, cross the wildest sea
I can feel St. Elmo's Fire burnin' in me
Burnin', burnin' in me, I can feel it burnin'
Oooh, burnin' inside of me...