This One's for Dougie

It's a sports-themed night here on Our Time on the Edge. Not that I care remotely about NFL football, but I did catch enough of the Super Bowl to formulate the spanking-new POLL on the right. Vote early and often!

Being a die-hard Leafs fan, the truly great sports moment of the weekend for me was watching Doug Gilmour's #93 get raised to the rafters of the A.C.C. There aren't really adequate words to convey just how beloved Gilmour was, and still is, by Leafs fans -- especially those like myself whose first real taste of Leafs glory was their 1993 Cup run, led by Dougie, Clarkie, and the formidable Pat Burns, my all-time favourite NHL coach. Not to mention superstar young goalie Felix Potvin, who my 13 year-old self was determined to marry ("Jordan who?").

I get choked up just thinking about watching those 1992-1993 and 1993-1994 seasons with my Dad, who was just as enthralled with the gutsy, hard-working team that reminded him of how it had felt to be a Leafs fan thirty years earlier, in the last glory days. After the 1993 Cup run, the Leafs put out a video called "The Passion Returns", which detailed the highlights of that miracle season and heralded the dawn of a new era for Leafs fans. I still have it and watch it from time to time, with a Kleenex box close at hand. It was a truly magical time to be a Toronto fan and I am so glad that I was a part of it. But wow, it's starting to feel like a long time ago.

It's easy to get down about the Leafs these days. Since I moved back to Toronto in 2006, the magic's been scarce and fan morale has dipped dangerously low. The Leafs' own coach wrote this season off before it even started. Not a good attitude, in my opinion. But even at last night's game, when the distance between the golden days of Gilmour and the present seemed insurmountably great, there were glimmers of hope. Like, for example, my favourite new Leaf, rookie Luke Schenn, who dealt a f***ing awesome hit to Evgeni Malkin right in front of the Pens' bench, then took it upon himself to pound some sense into Tyler Kennedy when he came yapping after him for it. I love this kid! And a kid he is -- he would have been only three years old when Gilmour was scrapping with Marty McSorley in 1993. But he's got the true Leafs spirit -- something we haven't seen enough of in the past 16 years. However, we still remember the golden years well enough to recognize it when we see it, and being a true Leafs fan, I have to believe we're going to see it more often.

My One Thought About the 2007 Stanley Cup Play-Offs

Having only one Canadian team left to cheer for + That team is the Ottawa Senators = Being stuck between a rock and a hard place.

Did Juno?

A couple of weeks ago, the Juno Awards were held in the thriving metropolis of Saskatoon. It will likely come as news to all of my American readers (and quite possibly to some of my Canadian readers as well), that the Juno Awards are the highest honours bestowed by the Canadian music industry. The awards were named in honour of Pierre Juneau, former head of the CRTC and responsible for the implementation of the Canadian Content Regulations in 1971. This was a pivotal achievement because if radio stations here weren't legally mandated to have 35% Canadian content on their playlists, there would be no Canadian music industry. Kind of like how if your Lucky Charms wasn't fortified with 12 vitamins and minerals, you'd be anemic. As a further footnote, apparently the spelling of "Juneau" was changed to "Juno" when somebody realized that Juno had been the chief Goddess of the Roman Pantheon (See kids, it does pay to minor in Classics!).

Like the Canadian music industry itself, the Junos' history has had its high points (awards to friggin' awesome bands like the Tragically Hip) and its low points (see 1978-1979 below), I thought I would highlight a few of the Great Moments in Juno History. I pretty much skipped the 1970s (Rush, Anne Murray...and that's about it). I also left out most of the better-known superstars of Canadian music from the 1980s and 1990s--the Hip, Bryan Adams, Alanis Morrissette (post-1995--see below), and yes, Celine--in favour of shedding light on some of the Canadian music legends who have perhaps been a bit neglected since their days of glory. Props here to Barrie's Rock 95, a station that faithfully keeps much of Canada's musical past alive and well on the airwaves (the only station I know that has David Wilcox's "Do the Bearcat" on regular rotation). So here we go...

Selected Great Moments in Juno History:

1978 - Dan Hill's "Sometimes When We Touch" nominated for Best Single

1979 - Dan Hill's "Sometimes When We Touch" nominated for Best Single...again...
(Was the honesty too much the first time around?)

1979 - Nick Gilder's "Hot Child in the City" wins Best Single

1980 - Claudja Barry's "Boogie Woogie Dancin' Shoes" nominated for Best Single
- Trooper wins Group of the Year

1981 - Martha and the Muffins' "Echo Beach" wins Best Single
(Also deserving of special award for Best Band Name of All Time)

1982 - Rough Trade's "High School Confidential" nominated for Best Single

1983 - The Payola$ "Eyes of a Stranger" wins Best Single
(beating out Loverboy's "Working for the Weekend")

1984 - Corey Hart's "Sunglasses at Night" and Men Without Hats' "Safety Dance" both
nominated for Best Single

1985 - Luba's "Let it Go" and Gowan's "A Criminal Mind" nominated for Best Single

1986 - Glass Tiger's "Don't Forget Me (When I'm Gone)" wins Best Single
(another great song title with embedded parentheses)
- A banner year in the Best Album category, with Glass Tiger, Loverboy, Platinum
Blonde AND Honeymoon Suite all nominated; Newmarket boys Glass Tiger win (woot!)

1987 - Kim Mitchell's "Patio Lanterns" nominated for Best Single
(also nominated for new national anthem by majority of Mulroney caucus)

1991 - Maestro Fresh Wes' "Let Your Backbone Slide" nominated for Best Single

1992 - Alanis' "Too Hot" (Hott Shot Mix) nominated for Best Dance Song
(oh yes, pre-"Jagged Little Pill", Alanis was a sweet little pop star)

1994 - Snow's "12 Inches of Snow" nominated for Album of the Year
(everybody all together now: "In-forrrr-mer!")

I would like to conclude this blog with some Canadian tunes that I think were definitely deserving of some Juno love, even if they didn't receive it:

"Day by Day" - Doug and the Slugs
"Dream Come True" - Frozen Ghost
"What Does It Take" - Honeymoon Suite
"Tokyo Rose" - Idle Eyes
"Heading West" - Mitsou

and

"Claire" - Rheostatics

Ode to Wheels

This post is dedicated to my favourite Degrassi character, the one and only Wheels (aka Derek Wheeler). There are so many reasons why Wheels was the most rad of the original Degrassi bunch:

First of all, Wheels is just the best nickname ever. OK, maybe it's a tie with Tootie. With an honorable mention going to Boner (remember, Mike Seaver's best friend on Growing Pains? Yes, it's true, Alan Thicke said "Boner" pretty much every other week in the first few seasons of that show).

Second of all, Wheels was the cutest Degrassi alum. He did sport rather unfortunate eyewear after about the second season (he got glasses right around the time he started growing the mullet, as I recall), but he still had it goin' on. The sultry Stephanie Kaye was all over him--and she knew her Degrassi men.

Third, Wheels had an awesome Ontario accent, embuing Degrassi with ever more distinctive Canadian charm. And fourth, Wheels really did try his darndest to be a good kid and to avoid getting sidetracked by Joey Jeremiah's zany schemes. But, as is the case with most Degrassi characters, tragedy befell Wheels and, well, his life went down the shitter. Even so, there is still a warm spot in my heart for Wheels. In the immortal words of the Zit Remedy (all together now): "Everybody wants something they'll never give up..."

Just messin' with ya, eh!

Above: The classic rabbit-duck optical illusion
Below: The Canadian version

What do you see?

Our home and native...stuff

While civic duty dictates that I should be reading up on candidates in the upcoming Toronto municipal elections, I've come across a far more interesting democratic process in which to participate, and that is CBC's The Greatest Canadian Invention. 50 candidates have been selected, and you can vote on your favourite on the show's website. The results will air in early January 2007.

Here's a brief list of some of my preferred nominees:

1. The CPR mannequin: Not only integral to life-saving instruction, but also to making the swimming classes of one's youth a hell of a lot less awkward.

2. The fog horn: One of the greatest sounds ever, second only to the "Dixie" car horn.

3. The synthesizer: Need I say more?

There are also some inventions that could arguably be nominated as teams, such as:

1. The retractable beer carton handle and the Ski-Doo

2. The Wonderbra and the zipper

3. Poutine and the Bloody Caesar (OK, that one's pushing it)

Even if you don't get around to voting, be sure to check out the TV ads that the CBC is currently running to promote the show. They feature Margaret Atwood stating that the greatest Canadian invention is the caulking gun. Rad.

Mama, I'm Coming Home

(Actually, I've been home for over a week, but I just wanted to get a little Ozzy in there)

Yes, it's true--after five years living in the U.S., I have returned home to Toronto, the best city in the world. And I could not be happier, especially with all the traditional Torontonian activities I've been up to lately: biking to the Beaches, window shopping in Yorkville, going to the Ex, and walking down Yonge Street (which I will be doing much less of once the nostalgia wears off).

Sadly, the Ex was a bit of a disappointment, much like it was the last time I went eight years ago. I wish I could have seen it back in its heyday, before they tore down the Flyer and the Grandstand and before the Better Living building was converted into a giant casino. My biggest overall complaint was that there wasn't nearly enough livestock. That, and the carnies were too polite and well-groomed. But the Food Building still smelled the same (one whiff gives you your weekly dose of trans fat) and we did get to see a human cannonball, which was pretty awesome.

And while I did not get the TV unpacked in time to watch Canadian Idol this week, I am proud to report that my boy Tyler Lewis is still hanging in there and you can bet I'll be voting next week. Yes indeed, it is good to be back.

The "Awww" Factor

As I've been residing stateside since the start of July, it's been a few weeks now since I last saw an episode of Canadian Idol. However, I've been keeping up with the results online and I'm happy to report that my favourite contestant in this year's competition, Tyler Lewis, is still burning it up in the Top 9.

Why do I think this kid should be the next Canadian Idol? First of all, he can sing. But more importantly, it's all about the "Awww" factor. Just check out these snippets from Tyler's brief bio on Idol's website and you'll see what I mean:

-He's 20 years old (Awww!)
-He's from Saskatchewan (Awww!)
-He would love to have the chance to see Bon Jovi or Guns 'n' Roses in concert (Awww! I guess that's pretty rare in rural Saskatchewan)
-His dream is to have a career like Bryan Adams (Awww!)
-He's a huge fan of both steak and potatoes and his belt buckle that sports a beer bottle opener (Awww! Cute and practical!)
-The song that best describes him? "Small Town, Big Dreams" (Awww!)

Plus, as I recall from the first episode on which Tyler appeared, he plays hockey and he can drive a tractor (Awww! and Awww!). If that's not a red-blooded Canadian boy, I don't know what is.

I realize that the "Awww" factor is not nearly as potent for the guys in the Canadian Idol audience (assuming there are any) as it is for the gals. However, if Don Cherry was a fan of the show (and hey, anything's possible), I'm certain he'd back Tyler all the way. This kid is the Dougie Gilmour of Idol crooning.

So my fellow countrymen and women, I exhort you to cast your votes for Tyler Lewis. It will put a feeling of gladness in your heart and you'll be doing Canada proud by selecting a talented Idol for its citizens. Plus, he's really really cute. Did I mention that already?

Studies in Skid Culture #3

So I've been kinda sorta neglecting my blog lately. To my tight-knit cadre of devoted readers, I apologize. Other writing projects, a testy dial-up internet connection, and the new season of Canadian Idol have all conspired to derail my once-regular ranting schedule. That, and I've been busy catching up on the local culture in my hometown, an entertaining, oftentimes scintillating, yet time-consuming task.

Just in case you thought I was indulging in a bit of poetic license in my first entry on skid culture a couple months back, I have recently gathered much empirical evidence that the skid community is still indeed alive and well around these parts. For example, when I was walking out of Swiss Chalet last night after dinner, I witnessed a truckload of skids drive into the local Tim Horton's (conveniently located across the street from Swiss Chalet). True to form, the boys had a rusted-out Skidoo in the back of their pickup truck. In the middle of June. I kid you not. They were hollering unintelligbly but gleefully out the windows as they drove past, perhaps in anticipation of picking up a few limited-time-only strawberry tarts from Timmie's along with their double-doubles.

Sometimes this place is just too Canadian to be true. I have to say, it's great to be home.

The Ex-Pat Playoff Experience

I am in the unfortunate situation of having to watch this year's Stanley Cup playoffs on American television. No Grapes, no Ron McLean, and, worst of all, no Bob Cole and Harry Neale (actually, worst of all is NO LEAFS. But we won't talk about that right now). I share Lost in Wisconsin's frustration with the quality of hockey commentary south of the border. Really, it's a wonder our American cousins keep coming back to this schlock. You'd think they'd demand better.

Cottage Country

I'm headed to the cottage for a couple of days of relaxation on the shores of Georgian Bay. Even though May 2-4 weekend is still a few weeks off, I thought I would kick off cottage season early by citing three of my favourite cottage country tunes:

Bobcaygeon - The Tragically Hip
Lake Fever - The Tragically Hip

and, the quintessential...

Patio Lanterns - Kim Mitchell

The official soundtrack of cottage country life in Ontario is available 24-7 on Barrie's Rock 95. Be sure to make a trip to the Beer Store before kicking back on the deck and tuning in. And if you can't make it to cottage country this spring, you can live vicariously through the angst-ridden teens on Falcon Beach, Canadian television's answer to the O.C. (Newport Beach, Lake Winnipeg, what's the difference?).

On Failing My Nunavut Readership

I recently installed "SiteMeter" on this blog, a handy-dandy little web gadget that keeps track of when, where and how people are viewing this web page (if you're curious, you can check it out by clicking on the "SiteMeter" icon at the bottom of the sidebar). It's basically soft-core statistics porn, but the results are sometimes interesting. Like today, I learned that someone in Iqaluit (which is the capital of Nunavut, for those of you lacking in northern exposure) found my blog through Google by using the search terms "ski doo freestyle factory recalls". Thus far, the only place that ski-doos have cropped up in this blog is in my Skids in the Hall entry. Given the nature of his/her search, the anonymous Iqaluit surfer was no doubt disappointed with the content of my post. That doesn't trouble me so much as the thought that this person wanted to know whether their Ski Doo Freestyle is defective (perhaps dangerously) and my blog offered them no assistance in getting to the bottom of this (and having a potentially defective ski-doo is no laughing matter in Iqaluit).

So, on the remote chance that that reader ever visits this blog again, I apologize for my lack of expertise on ski-doo recalls. I hope that some other web page helped you solve your problem. If I could offer any advice, I would, but my Dad sold our ski-doo back in the mid-1980s. I don't even remember if it was a Freestyle. Really, I suppose Google is at fault here too, because it was their search engine that led this reader astray in the first place. But with a big corporate outfit like that, you're not going to get a sincere apology for wasting your time. Nope. It's just us insignificant web peons who have a heart for stuff like that.

I hope that I can overcome this incident among my Nunavut readership, however I would imagine bad word of mouth is the kiss of death for blogs in that place. Oh well. I can only hope that my first readers from the Yukon and the N.W.T. will have a more positive experience.

T.G.F.E.S. (Thank God For Elvis Stojko)

So far, 2006 has been a banner year for figure skating on television. But now that the Olympics and the Worlds are over, Skating with Celebrities has wrapped, and ABC Family is no longer running The Cutting Edge 2: Going for the Gold on a 24-hour loop (OK, they never did that. It just felt like it because of its utter and complete inferiority to the original...more on that another time) , I figured the skating TV boom had gone bust. Fortunately, the WE network came to rescue, churning out another figure skating-themed "reality" tv competition, Skating's Next Star. Phew. That was a close one. Thanks WE! I now forgive you for all those years of painfully mopey Felicity reruns.

So I've only seen two episodes so far and I'm still unclear on what exactly the contestants are competing for. Perhaps a lead part in the next production of "Dora the Explorer on Ice," or some such equivalent. Unlike Skating with Celebrities, the show does not feature the element of danger that comes from strapping skates onto frighteningly uncoordinated former sitcom/pop stars. But Skating's Next Star makes things hazardous enough for its bright-eyed hopefuls by having them skate on makeshift ice pads the size of your parents' rec room. Watching to see who will fly off the rink is one of the viewing pleasures the show has to offer.

Another bright spot is the tactful, good-humoured presence of former World Champion (and Richmond Hill, Ontario native, I should add--props to the York Region!), Elvis Stojko. On numerous occasions, Elvis saves Skating's Next Star from being too cringeworthy to handle. Exhibit A: One hapless lad accidentally kicked himself in the head or something while performing an ill-fated spin in the first episode. As if this wasn't mortifying enough, when he finished, judges Rudy Galindo and Oksana Grishuk laughed uncontrollably at him. Like, they couldn't regain their composure for at least a minute and a half. The poor dude had to just stand there with the camera on him the whole time. Thank God for Elvis. A true Canadian, he kept a straight face, showed concern, and asked the guy if he was OK (I would say that I hope he gave Rudy and Oksana a talking to afterwards, but that actually wouldn't be a very Canadian thing to do).

Though its production values may be low, its level of overall awkwardness high and its purpose ambiguous, I am going to tune in to at least a couple more episodes of Skating's Next Star. Maybe it's out of my sentimental Stojko attachment, or my fear that another figure skating show might not be in the works to follow it up. I can only hope that some tv executives somewhere are going to try and develop a "reality" gymnastics show along the same lines. Because every loves to see athletes get a second chance, especially when its a reeeal long shot (ie. in sports where they would usually be gathering dust by the age of 19). What's Mary Lou Retton doing these days, anyway? Oooh, and Mitch Gaylord! It'd be great! Someone tell the WE people! Anything to keep those Felicity reruns at bay.

Operation "Give 'R"

Canadians and Americans do a lot of things differently. Football. Health care. Same-sex marriage. The pronunciation of "foyer." The list goes on. Being a Canadian, I tend to like our way of doing things better. Sometimes I think that I should use the time that I am spending living in the U.S. to help promote the "Canadian way." But where to start? Americans have been doing things their own way for a hell of a long time now, and they don't generally have a track record of being open to foreigners' suggestions for change. So I've decided to start small. All I'm asking is that Americans try substituting one simple Canadian phrase for its lower-grade American equivalent. This move can be represented with the following equation:

"Git 'Er Done" (U.S.) = "Give 'R" (CAN)

It's that easy.

Of course, I don't expect most Americans to be easily persuaded on this straight off the bat. So here's a few reasons why one should substitute "Give 'R" for "Git 'Er Done":

1. Fewer syllables.
2. Because of 1, can be compressed into a single word/grunt more easily.
3. Fits better on a t-shirt/tank top/gimme cap.
4. Sounds more like encouragement, less like a command (hence its essential Canadianness).
5. Scientifically proven to make your buddy push your truck out of the mud up to 10 times
faster when shouted repeatedly.
6. Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector is going to tank at the box office--why should your
cred go down with it?

Make the switch today! I guarantee you won't be disappointed. And just for being so open-minded to Canadian ways, I'll throw in another favourite Eastern Ontario phrase that can be used interchangeably with "Give 'R": "Kick 'R Down Hard!" (KHDH)

I don't expect a revolution overnight. But that's OK--if Americans have the patience for "trickle-down" economics, I'm sure I can wait a while for this. Just go on and give 'r, boys and let the Canadian invasion begin!

Westward the Woman

My blog will be on a brief hiatus until next Monday, during which time I will be venturing "out West" to Vancouver. In the meantime, repeat this month's mantra as needed. I have one anecdote to report before I go, and that is that I found it highly amusing to discover that the same Gowan song, "Cosmetics," is featured in not one, but two episodes in the last season of Degrassi Junior High (the episodes are "Pa-Arty!", the one where Lucy throws a bash at her house while her parents are out, and the final graduation dance episode "Bye Bye Junior High"). I think it may have been the only song these kids ever partied up to (hey, it could be worse--it could have been Loverboy). To my American friends unfamiliar with the illustrious Gowan, he is a Canadian pop icon famed for such hits as the aforementioned "Cosmetics," as well as "Criminal Mind," "(You're A) Strange Animal," and "Moonlight Desires" (my personal favourite). Back in the pre-Chad Kroeger days of Canadian male vocalists, we were blessed with the more dulcet musical stylings brought to us by Gowan and his cohorts such as Gino Vannelli ("Hurts to Be in Love," "One More Sunset on L.A.," "Wild Horses") and Bruce Cockburn ("Lovers in a Dangerous Time," "Wondering Where the Lions Are," "Waiting for a Miracle"), not to mention pretty rocker boys Corey Hart and Bryan Adams. I distinctly remember having a CBC "Video Hits" cassette with Gowan's "Criminal Mind" on it--unfortunately, it disappeared after a party I hosted. Who would swipe a "Video Hits" cassette, I ask you? Then again, it was a pretty hot show. Every day after school, Dan Gallagher kept us on top of the pops. I think it's a good thing I'm headed back to the home and native land for a few days. When you start keening for Gowan and Dan Gallagher's Video Hits, you know you've been gone too long. "These moonlight desires haunt me, they haunt me, they haunt me..."