You've Been Shamwow!ed

There are many, many things I could be writing about this evening. But given that I've been up since 5am, spent 13 hours in the car yesterday and 8 hours slinging Madonna and Grand Theft Auto 4 today, I don't really feel bad about devoting a blog entry to a shady-looking but OMG-hilarious infomercial product I recently learned about via the wonders of American cable TV: the Shamwow!. Due to my own fatigue and the unspeakably amusing nature of Shamwow!'s promotional ads (don't miss the "Testimonials" videos on the website), not much more can or need be said in this blog entry, other than that Shamwow! is now officially my new favourite word (apologies to "bitchazz") and that I wish I wish I WISH I could find a link containing the ad I saw that depicts a dog being rigorously Shamwow!ed. So funny I could cry. Just take my word for it.

P.S. - I recognize that I'm coming rather late to the Shamwow! party -- online reviews and parodies already abound, many quite entertaining. But if only one person hears about Shamwow! for the first time here, I feel my blog will have served a noble purpose. I'm going to sleep.

Guttenberg Galaxy

Not all that infrequently, TV provides the answers to my pop-culture prayers. Like that I'd live to see the day that Steve Guttenberg's career is resurrected to its former glory. Despite recent appearances in such films as P.S. Your Cat Is Dead! (2002), and Single Santa Seeks Mrs. Claus (2004; co-starring alongside Crystal Bernard, no less...still awaiting her own post-Wings resurrection a la Thomas Haden Church), Guttenberg has yet to make a Hollywood comeback worthy of his superstardom in the 1980s. For a number of years, I've found the Guttenberg situation troubling, to say the least. I mean, back in the day, this guy was the shit. As the charismatic, wisecracking Sgt. Carey Mahoney, he was the Tom Cruise of the Police Academy crew. Then came two more successful franchises, Cocoon - in which he more than held his own as the cast's sole non-octogenarian - and Three Men and a Baby. But the dawn of the 1990s seemed to bring an end to the age of Guttenberg. Then, almost 20 years later, along comes the 6th season of Dancing with the Stars, giving the much-deserving Guttenberg an opportunity to foxtrot right into America's hearts once again.

Granted, a Dancing with the Stars turn may not be the most preferable route to comeback heaven. But if any 1980s movie icon deserves a second chance at stardom, it's Steve Guttenberg. Should he sign on to a Police Academy 7 reunion project (which I'd pitch as Police Academy meets Cocoon), I'd happily forgive him for skipping out on Police Academy 5 and 6 -- which, looking back, was probably a really wise decision on his part. So Hollywood, if you're listening (and I mean YOU, Ron Howard), it's time to pay tribute to the Gutte and show him a little casting sugar. You know we love him. Now's the time to bring him back. And while you're at it, here's a few more 80s superstars who also deserve to be removed from the "Where are they now?" D-list and put back in the spotlight (a la "Dr. McDreamy" Patrick Dempsey, formerly known as "that guy from Can't Buy Me Love):

Kathleen Turner - Romancing the Stone, Jewel of the Nile, let's go for the trilogy, folks. I'm
sure Michael Douglas and Danny DeVito would be up for it. And think of the DVD collector's edition re-release box set sales!

Shelley Long - The world is divided into Diane Chambers people and Rebecca Howe people. I am a devoted Diane person, which is part of why I would looove to see Shelley Long make a comeback. She's a genius at screwball comedy (exhibit A, The Money Pit, one of my all-time favourite films). She's worthy of so much more than perennial Carol Brady gigs.

Nick Nolte - Unfortunately, young people these days know this former "Sexiest Man Alive" (1992) solely from his humiliating DUI mug shots. I stand by my claim that the man's still got it goin' on. I adored his turn in Paris je t'aime, and it got me thinking...someone needs to call up Sofia Coppola and put Nick's considerable charms back on the map with a Lost in Translation-esque age-gap romance. Brilliant, I know. Let's make it happen, people.

There's so many more stars that could be added to this list...perhaps this entry will have a sequel. Suggestions, anyone?

The Mighty iTunes Oracle

For my first blog entry in many months, I looked to my iTunes for inspiration, and a little personality game I came across on My Boring Life. Try it out yourself - just hit shuffle and watch as some of life's big questions are magically answered right before your eyes! Just remember - no skipping allowed!

Q. What would best describe your personality?
A. Breathe – Michelle Branch

Hmmm…sounds girly and upbeat, but lyrics are about being this close to falling apart. Yep, I’d say that pretty much sums me up.

Q. What do you like in a guy/girl?
A. What’s New, Pussycat? – Tom Jones

Campy, over-the-top, worthy of getting random chicks’ panties thrown at him. Maybe my ideal man circa 1965? (hello Peter O’Toole!)

Q. How do you feel today?
A. Say Something – James

Sounds about right.

Q. What is your life's purpose?
A. Islands in the Stream – Kenny Rogers and Dolly Parton

OMG – the all-seeing iTunes shuffle has spoken! I believe it is my life’s purpose to champion cheesy 80s music. That, and to sing a duet with Kenny Rogers.

Q. What is your motto?
A. Dance Dance Dance – Beach Boys

Fucking A!

Q. What do your friends think of you?
A. Glittering Prize – Simple Minds

Not sure what to make of this. Maybe that I’m sparkly? And also a prize.

Q. What do you think of your friends?
A. Over and Over – Wilson Phillips

Um…kay. Now this is just getting embarrassing. Yes, I have Wilson Phillips on iTunes. And I think this will surprise NONE of my friends.

Q. What do you think of your parents?
A. Stand Back – Stevie Nicks

This doesn’t really work either. But God I love Stevie Nicks!

Q. What is your life story?
A. Tu t’laisses aller – Charles Aznavour

Great...thanks for the self-esteem boost Chuck.

Q. What do you want to be when you grow up?
A. Sunday Bloody Sunday – U2

I want to be Bono.

Q. What is your hobby/interest?
A. Don’t – Elvis Presley

I am most definitely interested in Elvis.

Q. What will they play at your funeral?
A. I Wanna Be Your Lover – Prince

OMG, someone needs to put this in my will!

Q. What is your biggest secret?
A. Got to Get a Message to You – Bee Gees

Great, now everyone knows I’ve got early Bee Gees on my iTunes. But considering the Wilson Phillips debacle earlier, I guess this is pretty minor.