Well, no Sticky and Sweet Tour tickets for me. Not that I really thought I had much of a chance of getting a pair, especially considering the half-ass effort I put into getting tickets to just about any Ticketmaster gouge-a-palooza. In every instance, I try the conventional, "little people" avenues of touch-tone redial and Internet queuing for what I deem to be a reasonable period of time relative to the show in question. For Madonna, this was about four minutes (no, really). I figured my efforts were pretty futile from the start, but it's kind of like Rolling up the Rim and hoping for a Toyota Prius, or trying to Scratch and Save 75% off at the Bay -- you know the odds are stacked miles high against you, but even so, for a brief moment in time, anything's possible so you try anyhow.
I always pretty much suck at getting hold of tickets to hot concerts. Usually, apathy and frugality are the primary causes. There's also a certain loss of pride involved in many of the methods via which people successfully land impossible-to-find concert tickets, eg. camping out overnight on Yonge Street, reciting ridiculous radio jingles, calling up that ex-boyfriend who's dad's company has box seats at the ACC....the list goes on. But I can't go for that. No can do. My dignity is more precious. Hence the fact, this summer, I'll be more likely to be seeing Def Leppard in concert for the third time than prostrating myself for a chance to land Madonna tickets. It's all about holding your head up high, folks.
The fact that I won't be seeing Madonna in concert any time soon has not, however, dampened my deep affection for her music, so I will resume my Madonna Memories reflections next time. Until then, perhaps some of you reading this entry would like to offer up some of your own fond recollections relating to Madonna's music, movies, fashion statements, etc. Or concert tickets -- I'll take those too.
Sunday, May 25, 2008
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
Countdown to Sticky and Sweet Saturday: Madonna Memories No. 1
This Saturday at 10 AM, I am going to try to achieve the impossible -- land a pair of tickets to Madonna's "Sticky and Sweet" show in Toronto this October. While I have little to no prayer of actually seeing Madge perform "Like a Prayer" live any time soon, for the moment I choose to live in hope that I just might be successful. Unfortunately, I have never seen Madonna in concert, but have been a fan since I was four, which is to say, since the dawn of Madonna's career. In celebration of my 25 years as a Madonna devotee, I've decided to write a series of blog entries on the memories that I associate with some of my favourite Madonna albums and songs. Today's selection: Like a Virgin (1985). Specifically, "Material Girl". As a side note, my two current favourite tracks from that album are "Angel" and "Dress You Up". But neither has the same nostalgic associations as "Material Girl". So here we go...
"Material Girl" - In high school, one of the dubious highlights of the spring semester was the Battle of the Air Bands contest. Some participants took the conventional route of lip-synching and/or air-guitar strumming along to a popular rock tune of the day. There were occasional creative and/or shocking variations, such as one group's dead-on re-enactment of the video for U2's "Numb", or the rather unfortunate stripping incident of '96, involving a pasty, scrawny-bodied male classmate who was dragged off the stage still thrusting away in his none-too-white tighty whities. Then, every year, you could count on at least one group of popular girls to push the envelope with a performance that was perennially well-received...the luridly suggestive, scantily-clad dance number to a super-hot Janet Jackson/Mariah Carey chart-topper du jour. To this day, I have no idea what qualified these performances as "air bands", so much as paper-thin excuses to prance around in front of the entire panting male student body in fishnet tights and heels and not get sent home to change one's clothes. The faculty seemed to condone these dirty little dances. Feminist-minded young women in the audience like myself perhaps should have objected to the blatant, well, objectification on parade, but we were too busy firing off catty remarks about which of the dancers' asses looked the fattest.
What the hell does all this have to do with Madonna, you ask? I'm getting there, I swear. OK, so by the time grade 12 rolled around, a couple of my best friends and I were ready to put our own take on the whole slutty air band phenomenon. The twist, however, was that we didn't want anyone to think that we were actually doing the performance in earnest. It was of ultimate importance that our camp intentions be at least somewhat palpable to our plebeian audience, otherwise we'd be no better than the girls we'd ruthlessly mocked for the past three years. In fact, we'd be worse because we weren't the hot, popular girls -- if taken as sincere, our act would end up looking like an excruciatingly naive, inept attempt at being something we were not, which to this day is, in my mind, one of the most mortifying acts one can commit. Even though right from the get-go, our goal was to subvert the very conventions of the erotic high school air band performance, we did hope that we might spark a genuine fan following amongst a gaggle of Farmer Ted-esque grade 9 guys who could be bribed to buy us cookies from the caf, or carry our backpacks.
Song choice was critical. Right from the beginning, Madonna was a front runner -- all of us worshiped her and her discography up to that point offered many rich possibilities for cheeky, postmodern-camp-kitsch air band interpretation. We eventually settled on "Material Girl", "Like a Virgin" seeming a little too "on-the-nose" even to our sassy, self-aware 17 year-old sensibilities. We talked about it for weeks, then met for one glorious practice session in my basement during which we dreamed up costumes (Flashdance risque in style), props, bit players (cameos from aforementioned Farmer Ted niners) and an impressive thirty seconds or so of actual choreography. I can still remember the saucy little snaps we had timed to the chime that sounds somewhere around the third stanza of the intro to that song. Unfortunately, we got no further than that. Term papers, prom plans and general apathy - the brilliant teenager's worst enemy - put an end to our air band dreams. But every time I hear "Material Girl", I think back to what might have been. I never once performed in front of my entire high school, preferring to embarrass myself in front of numerous select groups and individuals instead over my four years as a student there. Our (self-consciously) slutty Madonna air band could have been my moment to shine. Or it could have been my worst high school memory (and that's saying something). We'll never know. But thanks, Madge, for supplying the soundtrack. I couldn't have not done it without you.
"Material Girl" - In high school, one of the dubious highlights of the spring semester was the Battle of the Air Bands contest. Some participants took the conventional route of lip-synching and/or air-guitar strumming along to a popular rock tune of the day. There were occasional creative and/or shocking variations, such as one group's dead-on re-enactment of the video for U2's "Numb", or the rather unfortunate stripping incident of '96, involving a pasty, scrawny-bodied male classmate who was dragged off the stage still thrusting away in his none-too-white tighty whities. Then, every year, you could count on at least one group of popular girls to push the envelope with a performance that was perennially well-received...the luridly suggestive, scantily-clad dance number to a super-hot Janet Jackson/Mariah Carey chart-topper du jour. To this day, I have no idea what qualified these performances as "air bands", so much as paper-thin excuses to prance around in front of the entire panting male student body in fishnet tights and heels and not get sent home to change one's clothes. The faculty seemed to condone these dirty little dances. Feminist-minded young women in the audience like myself perhaps should have objected to the blatant, well, objectification on parade, but we were too busy firing off catty remarks about which of the dancers' asses looked the fattest.
What the hell does all this have to do with Madonna, you ask? I'm getting there, I swear. OK, so by the time grade 12 rolled around, a couple of my best friends and I were ready to put our own take on the whole slutty air band phenomenon. The twist, however, was that we didn't want anyone to think that we were actually doing the performance in earnest. It was of ultimate importance that our camp intentions be at least somewhat palpable to our plebeian audience, otherwise we'd be no better than the girls we'd ruthlessly mocked for the past three years. In fact, we'd be worse because we weren't the hot, popular girls -- if taken as sincere, our act would end up looking like an excruciatingly naive, inept attempt at being something we were not, which to this day is, in my mind, one of the most mortifying acts one can commit. Even though right from the get-go, our goal was to subvert the very conventions of the erotic high school air band performance, we did hope that we might spark a genuine fan following amongst a gaggle of Farmer Ted-esque grade 9 guys who could be bribed to buy us cookies from the caf, or carry our backpacks.
Song choice was critical. Right from the beginning, Madonna was a front runner -- all of us worshiped her and her discography up to that point offered many rich possibilities for cheeky, postmodern-camp-kitsch air band interpretation. We eventually settled on "Material Girl", "Like a Virgin" seeming a little too "on-the-nose" even to our sassy, self-aware 17 year-old sensibilities. We talked about it for weeks, then met for one glorious practice session in my basement during which we dreamed up costumes (Flashdance risque in style), props, bit players (cameos from aforementioned Farmer Ted niners) and an impressive thirty seconds or so of actual choreography. I can still remember the saucy little snaps we had timed to the chime that sounds somewhere around the third stanza of the intro to that song. Unfortunately, we got no further than that. Term papers, prom plans and general apathy - the brilliant teenager's worst enemy - put an end to our air band dreams. But every time I hear "Material Girl", I think back to what might have been. I never once performed in front of my entire high school, preferring to embarrass myself in front of numerous select groups and individuals instead over my four years as a student there. Our (self-consciously) slutty Madonna air band could have been my moment to shine. Or it could have been my worst high school memory (and that's saying something). We'll never know. But thanks, Madge, for supplying the soundtrack. I couldn't have not done it without you.
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